*insert appropriate title for a post talking about around… 3 topics*
After things fucked up with my ex, I was beginning to think that guys were lazy assholes with little feelings. But after talking to my guy friends talk about the things they do for their significant other and how special they are, or still care for their exes - I realised I shouldn’t have even generalized that, and I started to believe that there are some decent guys out there. They made me wonder what it’s like to be treated the way they treated their girl.
I was Skyping with my friend last night and he was telling me all the sweet things he did for his (ex) girlfriend. One thing he did was tell her she was beautiful every morning for the past year, even when things started getting rocky. It probably doesn’t seem like much, but I thought it was really cute that he did that for her.
He asked me if my ex did that for me when we were together, and I said no. It then lead to me telling him how I hated the way I looked since I was 4 years old. And then I started crying… He didn’t notice though (I think), because I was mumbling. Sure, I’ve felt insecure here and there, but it’s not as bad as it was 1-2 years ago. It just kind of baffled me how I still cry when I talk about the things people used to call me, or how I never felt pretty or beautiful. Because I feel fine nowadays.
It kind of scares me how deep this scar is. I find it hard to believe when someone compliments me on my looks. Especially the word ‘beautiful’, which I find the hardest to believe. If even my own boyfriend wasn’t convinced I was, who the hell would, y’know? That’s why I get all emotional and start crying and shit when someone calls me that. It just kind of shocks me that someone would even think of me like that.
~c0nf3$s10n$ 0f 4n 1n$3cur3 t33n4g3r~
